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Comportamento / 24/10/2020

The phobia of seeing in the other what I reject in me

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The phobia of seeing in the other what I reject in me


About the LGBT + s jokes and the aggressiveness against them and them

Homophobia in Brazil

It was with great pain that I read the news, a few days ago, that a 21 year old gay young man, Guilherme de Souza, was stoned to death by teenagers aged 14 and 16, in the interior of Bahia, because they “did not like homosexuals” .

Also the other day I read that Natura's father's day action partnership with Thammy Miranda, a trans man, generated a wave of hate attacks.

For years, news about aggressions and deaths of LGBT + people has been read and seen, dating back to colonial Brazil, as João Silvério Trevisa tells us.

I have been serving people for some time or listening to reports of those who are in deep suffering with their sexuality, for not being accepted by their parents or their religion, for fear of being a laughing stock at work or among friends.

I remember the case of a young man in his early twenties who took months to tell me he was gay - in fact to admit to himself that he was. He spoke of many other things before, then said he was bisexual, until, finally, with great pain and fear, he managed to name his desire.

But I also get parents in pain because they perceive "something" in their children. Some say "he needs a male figure", others ask "how to reverse it?" Still others: “my daughter is in sin, how am I going to do it?”.

In a country a president makes fun of the use of a mask in the pandemic - “it's a deer thing” - cheering for a certain football team is a reason to be labeled “bambi”, in which many religions (not all, of course) ) utter the “sinful” state of sexuality other than that of “daddy-mom” just for procreation, it is not for nothing that LGBT + people arouse so much repudiation - deep down, so much fascination.

Fascination because LGBT + s open wide that human sexuality may even serve for procreation, but this is a mere effect, almost casual. Our sexuality and gender identity are a melting pot of biological, psychological and social factors, all together and mixed, which often go in the exact opposite direction to the prescriptions.

Lacan was emphatic: it is the lack that establishes desire; it is what has been lost, what cannot be (fully) excited.

At the time of sex, probably no one is really excited about someone because they are going to have a child - they are excited because they feel wanted or dominant; big ass or delicate foot; by the beauty or the oddity of the other person (or even someone who is not even present in the act!). He is excited by whatever trait comes in the other, without even knowing exactly what and why. That is to say, the “choices” related to this, that each one makes throughout their development, are unconscious!

No child, no adolescent, rationally decide, at a certain moment: “wow, that breast is delicious!” or “what a desire to dress up as a woman / man” or “I want to touch the genitals of my classmate / my classmate”. This comes without knowing exactly , through a game of unconscious fantasies that we are building in the relationship with the other.

The recipes proclaimed by those who understand nothing about the subject - "give me a beating, that will solve it!", "This is a sin", "my mother will be very sad" - they often cause, not infrequently, a traumatic event and, just the opposite what was sought, a fixation of the child / adolescent in what was rejected.

The jokes on the subject, which are said and repeated in the most diverse situations, may even seem to be a seemingly innocent way of venting. But Freud discovered how much we laugh at what concerns us in our innermost being. The more repressed our desires are (the more unconscious and rejected they are), the funnier the joke will be.

But anyone who tells a lot of joke about a certain topic or laughs too much at it, often does not realize the reason for so much laughter, does not admit it, even to himself. You will have indications of this in some erotic dream you have, in the anger or anguish you will feel when you see two men / two women kissing, when you see boys like Guilherme walking in the street or flirting, while watching Thammy taking care of their son happily.

Some may argue that it is better to joke than to attack verbally or physically. Aggression is a sign that the word was no longer able to hold what pulsates in us (and we reject it), when we feel threatened intimately. Yes, I agree, but it is also necessary to take into account the aggressiveness (and certain suffering) underlying every joke. It should be noted that, joke to joke, we continue to create an environment in which it is necessary to reject what is most essential - our sexuality - in order to try to be accepted by the Other (family, schoolmates, workmates, religion, by society in general, by God or a higher entity in which we believe).

The (aggressive) laugh of the macho or the “all powerful” woman, the revolt of extremists religio basically, they are the expression of their fragility, of their attempt to placate and erase what they reject in themselves; to remove them the helplessness of not being loved, of not being so special, so powerful, of being excluded in their relationship with the Other. Guilherme, Thammy and many others and other LGBT + s deal with this fragility too, in another way, but sometimes they do not have the chance to continue ...

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